“everything you say, it sounds like it’s either really deep or really stupid.”

-scotty

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“prison is expensive – $50,000 per inmate per year in California”

“IN 2000 four Americans were charged with importing lobster tails in plastic bags rather than cardboard boxes…three of them got eight years apiece. Two are still in jail.”

– (The Economist: Crime and punishment in America)

Should’ve sent those guys on a backpacking trip in Europe! Only $25,000.

@cafe gratitude

waitress: (brings out a milkshake) are you beautiful?

me: no.

i haven’t ordered yet.

me: Just marry me now! I don’t wanna work anymore!

Bfffffffff Timothy Lee: I think I’m discovering the gift of celibacy

“Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be… a prudent insurance policy.”

– Elizabeth Gilbert

“Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.” – Mary Kay Ash

I wiki-ed “bumble bee.” “Bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly” is a myth. They work like helicopters do.

I liked life better before I wiki-ed.

honestly, john mayer is not good looking enough for his voice.

(john mayer playing, on the drive up to berkeley)

mom: what is this crap? is this music? what’s wrong with his voice?

can’t quote enough of timothydowlee

(to me) “i’m just trying to imagine what you would look like bald.”

——

me: do you want your wife to work or stay at home?

tim: i don’t really care. whatever she can do to keep herself busy so she won’t cheat on me.